WHO IS DR. MURRAY MURRAY TRILLIONAIRE?

Dr. Murray Murray Trillionaire, author of HOW TO BECOME A TRILLIONAIRE AND LOSE 20 LBS., is the world’s leading expert on how to become a thin, sexy, self-actualized trillionaire in less than six months.  Trillionaire was born in Brooklyn, New York sometime in the 20th century.  Although birth records undisputedly show that he was born in 1966, he claims to have been born in 1901 and to be over 110 years old.   He was born into a mixed marriage and was disowned by both sides of his family five years before he was born.  Trillionaire’s mother,  Indira Shakira Moneybags was from a family of devout Jewish Non-Existentialists who believed that nobody existed but themselves…quite convenient when they wanted to cut any line or avoid paying a grocery bill.  Trillionaire’s father, Leroy “Velvet” Trillionaire was from a family of Jewish Transcendentalists that worshipped at the cult of The Dinah Shore until she shacked up with that Burt Reynolds, an act that the Trillionaires considered to be more descending than transcending.  The family went on to worship at the cult of the Merv Griffin, leaving Brooklyn for religious asylum in Central New  Jersey.

Murray’s mother wanted to name her newborn son after the world renowned, American economist Murray Rothbard who helped to define libertarianism as a “free-market anarchism” that he called “anarcho-capitalism”.  Murray’s father wanted to name his son after Murray, Kentucky, a city that remained pro-union during the War of Northern Aggression.  The  parents compromised and named their son Murray Murray Trillionaire after neither.   Trillionaire was raised as a Jewish Transcendentalist Limited- Existence Existentialist but converted when his parents refused to serve pigs in the blanket at his Bar Mitzvah, becoming a Buddhist Negative Utilitarianist with tendencies towards hypochondria.

Dr. Trillionaire and Ms. Suze  Orman were lovers in their previous, last twenty-seven incarnations.  But in spite of the fact that Murray remained totally faithful to Suze in all but eighteen of those relationships, Suze cheated on Murray in their last incarnation with the past incarnation of Charles Nelson Riley who was the lover of the last incarnation of Charles deGaulle.   Ironically, both Nelson Riley and deGaulle were also named Charles in their previous incarnation but both went by the nickname “Bunny”.  Trillionaire, who has been known to hold a grudge for centuries, has yet to forgive Orman for her indiscretions.

Although Trillionaire’s actual net worth is not known, it is rumored that he owns 90% of the British royal family and sold The Duchess of York, Sarah Ferguson to Weight Watchers in 1998 for over 5 million pounds claiming at the time that that was how much she needed to lose.

Dr. Murray Murray Trillionaire has two PhDs: one in Yiddish Country Music from Brigham Young University and the other in the history of Medieval New Jersey from The University of the Paramus Mall.  So he is actually Dr. Dr. Murray Murray Trillionaire.  But he refrains from referring to himself as such in fear that people will think he stutters.

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