You know, ethics are a very tricky business. You say tomato, I say tomato (although according to Webster’s Dictionary, the correct prononciation is “tomato”). What’s right, what’s wrong? Who’s to judge? You know Martha Stewart will not mix together in the same bowl puffy cheese doodle along with the crunchy ones. She says, “it’s a texture thing”. Meanwhile, she’ll stick a Cool Ranch and Nacho Dorito in her mouth without blinking an eye. I think that’s wrong. It’s a taste thing. And yet, Martha and I are both extremely moral people who would never even think of breaking the law. Unless perhaps, if money is involved.
And that brings us to Mr. Charlie Rangel, the twenty term Congressmen from Harlem, New York. Mr. Rangel is accused of failing to report $600,000 in income. Come on, people. I have over $600,000 of spare change in between the cushions of one of my couches, which by the way is made of baby tiger skin leather. I paid over $945 million dollars for that couch. And here’s what pisses me off: it doesn’t convert into a bed. I thought I was getting the baby tiger skin leather couch that converts into a bed. But that one is $150 extra. Anyway, what’s $600,000? Do you remember what you had for breakfast on May 13th, 1973? I bet it was a pop tart. I love pop tarts. Never eat a pop tart cold. Now that’s immoral. And sluttish.
Oh and then Charlie apparently failed to report some rental income to the IRS. Let him who is without sin cast the first stone. I once rented a chalet on the Costa Brava from Charro’s grandmother and skipped out before paying her. But she referred to me as “tu” instead of “usted” which I thought was just rude.
Here’s the real crime that Charlie Rangel is guilty of: Charlie was unable to have legal representation as he has already paid $2 million in legal fees and can not afford anymore. Who the hell is a Congressman for forty years and doesn’t amass enough money to pay $2 million in legal fees. Imelda Marcos and I used to spend more than that at Bloomingdales in pantyhose. What do I need with $2 million dollars in women’s pantyhose? None of your damn business. It was all highly ethical. I think.
