Let’s get one little thing straight, sailor! This is NOT a blog. Donald Trump blogs; Martha Stewart blogs; Warren Buffett not only blogs but he writes religiously every night in his little pink diary. Dr. Murray Trillionaire don’t blog. Youses want to know why?
TRILLIONAIRES DON’T BLOG! Blogging is for billionaires! Billionaires just love to do things for free. It’s part of their whole low self-esteem thing. If you want to be a trillionaire, you don’t do anything for free. Absolutely nothing, except maybe have sex with an Osmond (preferably Donny), in which case it is fair and appropriate to ask for a tip. I, Murray Murray Trillionaire am an author, a composer of the written word, and shall be paid for my word. It’s like Billy Shakespeare used to always say, “So if you want to know if Romeo gets to do Juliet, then go buy the fuckin’ book! I ain’t no g-d damnith not-for-profit.”
Let’s just get a couple of things straight. First of all, blogging is a phase and like hieroglyphics and writing on stones, it too will come to an end. I project this will happen next May. And then, first of all (oh wait, I already said first of all, but this next point is too important to be a second of all). First and a half of all, blogging is immoral; if you blog, you are an unscrupulous whore, or even worse, a poorly paid one. Blogs go against the will of G-d as posts are not seen in chronological order but rather what happened last is seen first. Did G-d order Noah to create his arc so he could destroy the universe and then two posts later create Adam and Eve? Screw you, blogosphere, this first post on my blog is actually my last post. I have written everything backwards so as to unchronologize the unchronologicked. What would you say of a man who gives his daughter a Sweet 16 and then bat mitzvahs her several years later? Should he have her wedding at Chuck E Cheese?
And bloggers are expected to post something new on a regular basis. They’re like children who expect to be fed on Monday, and then on Tuesday, and then on Wednesday…. Shit, that reminds me. I haven’t fed my kids since last Thursday. I need to go. But keep in mind that this is not a blog…it’s more like a haiku…just 500 words longer. And although nothing rhymes, please keep in mind that everything on this “blog” was written in less than five minutes and with just one pen. But here’s the real point: you should not be reading this but rather my book, How To Become A Trillionaire and Lose 20 lbs. It’s life-altering.